I’m Sorry. It sucks. These four words came when I needed them most. Some people may be offended by this, but I really don’t care. Those were words I needed and I am not afraid to share them with others. On June 1, 2007, my mother passed away. When dealing with death, no-one really knows what to say.
I bring this up because today would have been my mom’s 84th Birthday.
When my mother passed away, I heard my people try to console me. The truth is I have heard it all. I had spent a few years working as a hospice chaplain as well as working at a local funeral home. I have heard the empty words time and time again. I was prepared for what I would hear, and I just let it pass me by. When people say things that hurt, it is usually not their intention. They just don’t know what to say. I have learned it is better to say as little as possible or nothing at all. I have a tendency to say as little as possible. The most one will hear from me is.
I’m Sorry. It Sucks. I’m praying for you.
This phrase came from a visit I made after my mother passed away. Friends of mine had ordered a pizza one day for us to have for dinner. The delivery person came to the door carrying two huge pizzas. This was way more than we could ever hope to eat at that time, so we decided to have some fun and delivered the second pizza to the ones who sent it to us. She had recently lost her father and then she told me four words.
I’m Sorry. It Sucks.
Those words resonate even to this day. It’s the truth. Losing a parent stinks.
While someone may have experienced a similar loss, it is never the same as what you personally will experience. Each one of us is uniquely wired and our relationship to the one who has passed away is just as unique.
I have a brother and a sister. We all lost our mother on the same day. Because we are unique individuals we each express and deal with grief differently.
Whether it has been 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or 10 years. We will all have struggles dealing with the loss of a loved one. It has been eight years for me, and I don’t believe I will ever fully get over what has happened, because when my mother passed away,
part of me died as well.
As a dad, it was a struggle for me to deal with the loss of my mother, while continuing to take care of my wife and children. There were things I failed at, but as time passes things do get better. I am sorry I can’t give you a formula, a timeline or special tricks to get through the process.
As my mom continually told me in her letters, We need to just live one day at a time.
I leave these words for anyone who has ever suffered a loss.
I’m sorry. It Sucks. I’m praying for you.